Thursday, February 15, 2007

Earth-Shattering Nude Scenes

10. Diora Baird in Wedding Crashers

It was kind of a "blink and you missed it" moment, but we're betting there were a lot of dry eyes in the house when Diora flopped down topless on a bed during the "wedding sluts" montage. You remember her, she was the one with assets big enough to satisfy as many Wilson brothers as the movie was willing to throw at her.

9. Ali Larter in Varsity Blues

While not technically nude, Ali and her strategically-placed whipped cream instantly became the stuff of legend and dessert-based fetishes. Of course, leave it to Dawson's Creek to fumble the play—dude, you'll never get such a golden opportunity to offer a girl a banana for her split again. Way to go, forehead.

8. Heather Graham in Boogie Nights

Reason #4,562 why hanging out with Burt Reynolds rules: With the wave of a finger, he can make Heather Graham slip out of everything but her rollerskates and mount you on a fine Corinthian leather sofa. That's class! And Heather's anything but shy about showing the goods, which is why we love her.

7. Kathy Bates in About Schmidt

Kathy Bates and Jack Nicholson buck naked in a Jacuzzi. Now, if this were 1968…actually, it'd still be pretty gross. Yes, we're kidding. Consider this a palate-cleanser before we move on to #6. We didn't want you getting all hot and bothered at work. All set? Good. Let's move on…

6. Reese Witherspoon in Twilight

OK, this isn't exactly a comedic romp and, honestly, the only thing notable about this movie is Reese's topless scene. And the only thing notable about Reese's topless scene is that, well, this is it, fellas. She's a Serious Actress™ now, so she won't be flaunting the sweater puppies ever again. Grab the opportunity while you can.

5. Denise Richards in Wild Things

Neve Campbell can keep her no-nudity clause, because even she couldn't dampen our appreciation of Wild Things' champagne-drenched threesome. Richards had no problem getting down and dirty, which is why we're still talking about her today. Campbell? Not so much. And before you say Wild Things isn't a comedy, we defy you to watch it without laughing.

4. Rebecca de Mornay in Risky Business

She was way too much woman for a high school kid to handle—especially a high school-aged Tom Cruise—but her full-frontal nude scene made a man out of every guy who was of appropriate age in 1983, and you know who you are. Not to mention Rebecca also made prostitution cool long before Julia Roberts.

3. The Pi Delta Pi Girls in Revenge of the Nerds

Yes, every last one of you. When the nerds get the brilliant idea to hook up surveillance cameras in the Pi sorority house, we're treated to a parade of naked, perky extras. This one went for quality and quantity, and scored on both counts. And let's just say Takashi wasn't the only one who learned what "hair pie" meant.

2. Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont High

The standard against which teen movie nudity is measured. It may not be the most graphic or revealing, but it had all the key elements: A hot young actress you've been dying to see topless (erm, Phoebe), a completely gratuitous set-up (Judge Reinhold's masturbatory day dream), and a hilarious pay-off (she walks in on him mid-jerk). It's bulletproof, and it's a classic.

1. Shannon Elizabeth in American Pie

A question for the ladies: If you find yourself in a teenage boy's bedroom and he happens to leave the room for a second, do you immediately take off all your clothes and admire yourself in his mirror? No? Exactly. That's why Nadia changed the way we look at movie nude scenes. And that's why you aren't Shannon Elizabeth. Well, that and probably some other things, too.


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