Thursday, November 09, 2006

Unbelievable Inventions

Amazing Alarm Fork

Who doesn't like to eat? Whether it's a big juicy steak or tofu casserole, everyone likes to chow down. Slow down, take a break and give your food some time to settle. Slower eating leads to feeling full before you've devoured an entire ten course meal. Less food, less weight gain. And we're here to help, with the amazing Alarm Fork.

The Mouth Cage

The Mouth Cage is designed to allow you to breath and speak but not eat due to the food barrier that's mounted on your face. Just in case you are temped by that perfect pie that's calling out to you, the Mouth Cage is actually locked onto your head, so you can't cheat the system. We don't know about you, be we're thinking it's just a little too creepy to have Mom and our favorite restaurant staff smiling from behind their own little personal mouth jails. Guess it's time for some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Baby Protector

Adults: big… babies: small. So how can you safely combine the two in one large bed? With the Baby Cage. The Baby Cage is an oval shaped domed structure featuring curved crossbars that are strong enough to support an adult's weight, keeping baby safe. You know, this thing doesn’t exactly induce warm and fuzzy feelings. Baby Cage = future visits to doctors with couches. So how about this… next time you are thinking of putting the wee one in junior jail, maybe just pull the crib up next to your bed.

Cry No More

Every parent is aware that a pacifier will… well… pacify the baby, that is until she decides to spit it out. Then, their little mouths are free to let loose with a gurgle or a scream, the later being not as desirable as the first. But we have a solution to their pacifier spittin' shenanigans, the Cry-No-More strap-on pacifier! This devious little device firmly affixes the pacifier to baby's face by looping security straps around her ears! This thing may work for about ten seconds, until she reaches up and rips it off and you can be thankful that the wee one can't talk yet, or you may get an earful once the cork has been popped.

Fowl Spoon

Has feeding time for your little tot become a burden because she refuses to open her mouth? What should you do when prying her food trap open is only a fantasy and not a real option? It's time to bring in the big guns! It's time for Rubber Lips the Spoon Puppet! To use, stick your finger (#38) into what the inventor calls the "rear finger receiving channel" of Rubber Lips.
Then make a few quacking noises, shake your finger to and fro and behold a child with gaping mouth. Not that she suddenly became hungry, she's in awe of your mastery of puppetry. So be fast and shove that spoon in before the awe wears thin and repeat the procedure 25 times.

Doggie Umbrella

Most dogs don't mind going out in the rain but if little Madison Windsor of Belmont the Third just got his coat preened, well we couldn't have him getting wet now, could we? So it's time to clamp him into the fully draped, doggone dazzling, Doggie Umbrella. It features air holes in the front so he won't fog up his personal pup tent and if your dog likes attention, he's going to be very happy wearing this geek chic.

Life Expectancy Watch

Life Expectancy Watch actually counts backwards, keeping you apprised of your forthcoming expiration date! You initially program the watch by answering a series of questions about your lifestyle such as exercise, disposition, food consumption and alcohol and tobacco use (big negatives, kids!). Living a healthy lifestyle? This watch has an on/off button so you can stop it temporarily while you engage in a healthy activity (e.g. taking a walk, cleaning the closet, etc.)
But wait, there's more! Your remaining time is conveniently displayed in years, months, days and hours and an audible alarm can be set to remind you of your impending doom. Bottom line… if your therapy bills just aren't high enough, you need to buy this watch. Better hurry, time is running out!

Wild West Mouse Trap

The invention is intended for burrowing animals but the inventors states; "This invention may also be used in connection with a door or window, so as to kill any person or thing opening the door or window to which it is attached". Wow, the west must have been really, really wild!

Boatless Water Skiing

Let's have a show of hands. How many of you like to water ski? Great! Now how many of you don't have a ski boat? Just as we thought, lack o' boats means lack o' skiing… that is, until now. Just rev up a pair of these motorized Propulsion Sticks and you'll be singing "Boats, schmoats, I'm skiing and I floats!"
Also doubles as a giant Margarita blender and bathtub Jaccuzier, just watch the toes.

Related Posts

Absolute Crazy Innovations

Go To Funny-town's Main Page